five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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