Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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