Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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