last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
