then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
