I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
