where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Be still, my beating vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
