I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize