I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
