just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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