Midget sex pt 2 tonight
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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