There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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