I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
