College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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