I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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