I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
