I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
