He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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