and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
