fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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