The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
