My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
