I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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