so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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