hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
cat food counts as protein by the way
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
