I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He better not be in your backpack
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
