On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
this is an emotional support booty call
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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