So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
