it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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