Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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