so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
