i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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