Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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