Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
