when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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