He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
