I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
