he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
