did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
