I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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