Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
