you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
