pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
