I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
