im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
