There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
