I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
