Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
