Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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