your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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