at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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