Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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