Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize