The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
