oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize