I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
