Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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