3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize