I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
