Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize