we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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