Yo dont text me then not text me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
