Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
