I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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