Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
