I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize