you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to make a zoo with you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
