And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
