sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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