fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
