dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
