i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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