Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize