guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize