good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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