When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
