your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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