Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am one with the molecules
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
