4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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