So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I supernannyed him into submission
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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