i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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